We Still Aren't Big Enough, and God Still Is

Ten years ago I told my then-boyfriend I was pregnant while we sat on a round picnic table on our college's campus at 6 a.m. We'd been a couple for 6 months + 1 day, and had loose plans to get married the following summer. Afterall, we both had about a year of college remaining, and while neither of our parents were paying our full tuition, both had jobs that discounted our tuition. A discount we'd lose if we got married, and we couldn't afford that.

None of that mattered now, because we chose our fate a different way.

We sat on that table, feet propped up on the seat below, blue-capped stick in my hand with the word pregnant displayed in tiny digital letters as evidence. My then-boyfriend now-husband managed four simple words in his just-out-of-bed morning stupor: "Are we big enough?"

Looking back, I can say we clearly were not. Two more pregnancies later, I wonder what parent is ever fully prepared or "big enough" for what we're walking into, even when we think we know.

The words I wrote to God in my journal back in my dorm room after that groggy, pre-dawn exchange ring true even now 10 years later. "'Are we big enough?' Truth is: I don't know. But I do know You're big enough and that's all that matters to me."

As we navigated through doctors appointments and Medicaid application, premarital counseling and wedding planning, and so many first trimester symptoms, we'd dream a little. What would it be like to be married and have a baby? Everything was crazy, rushed, financially bleak (tooth paste got a line item on our first joint budget because literally every cent mattered), and it was all covered in a fog of morning all-day sickness.

What about 10 years from then or even 5 years? What would life be like after time slowed and finances improved and we caught our breath?

Where would we live and work? How many years before we'd buy our first house and have our next baby? When would I start working on getting my Masters (because a bachelor's in English doesn't do much for a career)? Where (and when) would we go on an anniversary vacation since we couldn't afford a proper honeymoon? Surely 5-10 years would be plenty of time to start checking all of that off our list.

We didn't know--how could we?--that two years into teaching, Daniel would lose his job and change careers. That the job suited for him with great benefits would actually start with less pay than his salary as a teacher. That we'd wreck our car with only liability insurance and waste months and dollars recovering from that. That we'd have news of our 2nd pregnancy in the middle of his job uncertainty, and news of our 3rd pregnancy the same month we'd decide it was financially irresponsible for us to have anymore kids. That maintaining family expenses would derail us from paying off our student loans. That my being home while our kids are young would matter so much to us--enough to put everything on hold financially.

We hadn't yet experienced for ourselves that just as time moves on, so do life circumstances and how we choose to respond to them. I'm learning I can get caught up in the privileged self-pity of it all that we didn't get our "rightful" honeymoon, we still aren't any closer to owning a house, and we're still a poor family living on one income with too much student loan debt.

Or I can see how Jesus' grace covers us and provides for us even after (and as) we screw up His plans for us. While choosing a different fate for ourselves changes our trajectory and places us paces behind our peers in the accouterments of this life, we are actually forever rich in God's mercies.

A few days after the news of that first pregnancy settled, when 3 days felt like 3 long, drawn-out weeks, I wrote out some of the lyrics to a hymn: "Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy grace. Streams of mercy never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise. Teach me ever to adore thee, may I still Thy goodness prove, while the hope of endless glory fills my heart with joy and love."

Ten years after our small little college lives got flipped upside-down, I can't help but wonder if it was meant to be this way. Sure, it clearly wasn't God's perfect plan for us, and imagine where we'd be if we followed His plan! Still, this side of Heaven--this sin-stained Earth side--I wonder if the veering from the plan in some ways is the plan for Jesus to bring us back to Him.

If it wasn't this particular life choice, it'd be another, and often it has been more than just one choice that gets us off God's perfect course. These areas we mess up and are in need are just opportunities for our hearts to sing in His grace, for His blessings to flow in streams of mercy in spite of our scarred and messy humanity. Proving His goodness--not by His acceptance when we're "good," but by His persistence when we wander and veer.

The hope of endless glory fills my heart with joy and love... When I think of my 8 1/2 pregnant self getting a call of a job offer out of the blue, the God-given miracle to provide our needs while my husband finished his degree. When I think of our short homeless and jobless season that could have ruined us but by God's grace and my sister's kindness didn't. When I think of all the hiccups and detours and every step see that we weren't alone. While we weren't, and still aren't, big enough, we actually were never meant to be. We were always meant to see that God is.

I see that, even as ten years later we still face our same ol' mountains (that mostly revolve around finances). The miracle is that God saw us and assured us that we'd be okay anyway. That while our choices changed our circumstances, they didn't change His love. He wouldn't leave us.

There are times in our last 10 years when I praise God for the miracles in our impossible situations; when He delivers us because He can. And there are many others when I simply thank Him for being present in the midst of our struggles, because God is with us even when He doesn't heal us.

When we were on our college's campus this week, I snapped a picture of our three kids, including the one-that-made-me-a-mom, sitting on that same table my now-husband and I sat on ten years ago. I imagine going back to that young couple, scared out of their minds of the unknown that lay before them. I would probably just affirm what they already hoped: "You'll never be 'big enough' for the lives you'll live, but you will continue to celebrate all the times that God is."

Whether or not we've made the best choices that have led us here, God's not leaving us and never has. And for that, I am truly and deeply thankful.

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also see:
new? start here...
our wedding story, shame-free
my motherhood ebenezer
monthly emails

Here I Raise My Ebenezer

We've had three positive pregnancy tests in the last 8 years, and I cried over every one. Maybe every woman does. Our hormones are confused, and pregnancy is some pretty major news to receive from a pee-soaked stick.

I've already shared a little on the circumstances surrounding our first pregnancy. That Clear Blue "Pregnant" announcement sent me into a confused laugh-cry in the stall of the girls' dorm bathroom.

Two years later, after our wedding, college graduations, and a salary, we decided maybe it was time to start trying for that second baby. So that news shouldn't have been too much of a shock. Except that the pee proved positive on the same day we got news of a job loss. Hello, tears. It was supposed to be different this time.

Almost three years later, we went back and forth on the family planning discussion. Tight finances and stress over the two kids we already had made having another seem a little careless and irresponsible. I came around to calling it quits on our baby-havin' days and got our third positive that same month. Tears were familiar by this point as Psalm 127 became my new mantra that we were blessed to have our hands full of kids.

I share this because right there is where the seeds of our family were planted. Psalm 127:4 says that children of ones youth "are like arrows in the hands of a warrior." I've always pictured that to be a brave and heroic analogy. Until recently. I noticed the similarities in the rash, impulsive warrior-like way we've jumped into this whole parenthood thing. And the ways it plays out on a daily basis.

Last week I had just such a warrior-like "day" with the kids. Whenever I talk about these after they happen, I can't help but notice my own whinyness and petty complaints. Let's chalk it up to warrior-like parenting in my youth. Some days feel like a war-zone, and I'm not talking about the state of my house.

I can't fully describe the behavior now because it all sounds so trivial. It involved screaming fits and hearing "mommy, mommy, mommy!" literally at least 100 times with the best whine-cry one could muster. The kids all-out fighting in the back seat--hitting, pulling hair, biting, using toys as weapons. Hearing "I don't like you" and "I'm going to punch you" and literal screams our whole way into The Y for swimming lessons. Giving instructions 10 times and still doing it myself because obviously I was losing that day.

The list continues, but those aren't even the issue now. The kids have moved on and it's as if that day never happened for them.

However, that day, like many others, I was a struggling wounded warrior. Phrases like "worst day ever" and "I really don't know if I'll survive" and "I'm not cut out for this" and "I simply can't go on like this" and "I'm seriously about to break/explode" swirled in my head.

Of course, I attempted to counter them with positives and truth. "Trina, stop being over-dramatic. You are going to survive. Just get through the next few moments, you'll feel better." Then something else would happen and it would all start over. My back tensed up, I'd find myself holding my breath, and I prayed we'd all survive.

Later that day, we dropped the kids off at our friend's so we could go on a date. I could still hear "mommy" ringing in my ears. I told Daniel about how several times all I could think was how I wish I could go back to 20-year-old Trina and tell her to not become a mother, that she'd be terrible at it, and her kids would drive her 50 shades of insane, and yell mean things at her, and she should just pursue a career and travel.

It's funny when I look back on it now. But when I shared that confession with Daniel, I broke down because I wanted to take it all back. The tears over positive pregnancy tests, the years at home, the sacrificed sanity. And while I knew I didn't really want to take it all back, there's a piece of me in that moment that did and that broke my heart. For me and for them.

At one point earlier that day, Ian's timeout was over so I asked why he was there. He just screamed "mommy" fast and whiny saying he wanted to tell me something. I said no, we'd finish timeout then he could tell me. He threw another big fit about it, so I walked away. After a while of this, I zoned out and gave up. He was in the hall, still throwing a fit about wanting to tell me something. I gave in and said fine, forget about the timeout, just tell me. He calmed way down, and in a clear voice told me he saw a caterpillar when he was playing at school.

That was it. All he wanted to tell me. He saw a caterpillar and wanted to share that moment with me.

So many things thundered together in that moment. The little rainbow breaks God sends in even the worst days. The patience and calmer approach I need from Him to sustain me when the kids stress me out. The tag-teaming or coming-at-me-all-at-once with the whining and crying and fighting and mommying that makes winning these battles seem impossible.

This parenting in my youth is like an on-edge warrior armed with nothing but a quiver full of spastic arrows and the belief this is all somehow a heritage and reward from the Lord.

And so it is in the Kingdom Life. Because it's not about having it good here. It's about the hereafter and what better reward than for my lifework to be a commissioning to train up these little Kingdom Citizens.

That evening, with the mommy-ringing slowly quieting in my ears, I raised my ebenezer. A memorial stone for one day in the future when I'll inevitably forget all of this. I'll have distorted memories of motherhood in my 20s and roll my eyes at my own petty complaints. I'll lean over to other young warrior moms in stores and say naive things like, "Enjoy this! It goes so fast!"

Part of me holds onto the hope that I will forget. That my reward would be the sweet gift of selective amnesia where I hold onto the precious moments and forget the war of it all.

Mostly, though, I don't want to forget. Because forgetting would mean neglecting the ways God has led. Downplaying His call for me, the reward He's given, and the battles we've won in Him. No, I don't want to ever forget until He erases it at His coming.

So "here I raise my ebenezer, hither by Thy help I've come." Ebenezer. Stone of Help. Like when Samuel marked the place where God thundered to help them win a battle. Samuel said, "This marks the place where God helped us." (1 Samuel 7:12)

Or when Joshua told the people to carry a stone from the river they just crossed on dry ground so they'd "have something later to mark the occasion. When your children ask you, 'What are these stones to you?'" they'd tell about how God led by His power and say, "These stones are a permanent memorial." (Joshua 4:4-7)

As that day, and others like it (ah hem, today), runs through my head, I pause to raise my ebenezer. A memorial stone, or three, to remember all the ways God has led and continues to lead in our lives. Especially in this warrior-like arrow-filled place called motherhood.

A reminder, one day when the kids are gone and I'm not entwined in their every need, that I was once a warrior with my hands and life and breath overtaken with these three arrows. And by God's grace I'm accepting the heritage and reward of it all--embracing it even, and making it through each battle with Him.

I made a re-commitment that night to God and to this thing we started in our youth and continue for the rest of our lives. My resolve to not send messages back to 20-year-old Trina, but instead be the warrior God sees in me for them. Brave, courageous, maybe a little rash and reckless. But not reckless in the things that matter. Sending those arrows to meet their enemies at the gate. Living courageously with faith in God--loving Him and His people. And training our arrows to live the same.

I'm all in. For these kids. For living this life without regrets. For living with the passion and drive and focus of a God-called warrior. For God and for these arrows awarded as our heritage.

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also read:
new? start here...
courageous at home
dear moms: i'm sorry
our wedding story, shame-free

Our Wedding Story, Shame-free

For the last eight years, our wedding was tainted by shame. Not my own, but rather shame handed to me unwillingly. I'm ready to shed the shame and reclaim our story.

When we found out I was pregnant a few months after we started dating, we hadn't planned to hide it. We were adults--him 23 and me 20. We still had maturity to gain, but we made adult choices in our relationship and we were ready to take ownership of the adult choices to follow. We loved each other and seriously talked marriage before--this simply meant it'd happen sooner than planned.

After a week of telling our families and a couple close friends and processing the news ourselves, we scheduled our first premarital counseling session with our Christian college's counselor. As we talked about the various intricacies of our upcoming wedding, our newly growing family, and juggling finishing college, we also mentioned wanting to be open with our college deans.

Both of our parents lived on opposite coasts and we knew we'd need some positive influence from our older, wiser "mentors" to make it through these big life changes. He agreed, but seemed hesitant as he asked us to hold off on talking to them until he could find out for us anonymously how that news might be taken.

When we met back the next week, he confirmed his suspicions. He suggested we not spread the news just yet. If they found we were expecting while still unmarried, we could likely be asked to leave the college.

I wasn't exactly planning on keeping this to ourselves and it bothered me. Shame forced it's way in and I wasn't liking how it was sitting. But graduating was important to us, so we played our part and kept quiet.

I also met shame in the face at the bridal shop. Asking for a pregnancy pillow to try on wedding dresses was a tad humiliating. It didn't help that nothing looked right over that pillow, and nothing about this experience was going how I had always imagined. I realized shame came in many forms and was likely here to stay.

A few of us RAs got engaged around the same time. The deans joked (or honestly guessed) that with all of these engagements and weddings following shortly, one of them had to be pregnancy-related. I found myself nervously laughing and wishing I could say something. By that point shame started getting comfy in me, silencing me from the truth I desperately wanted to speak.

And the truth was that little fetus that we didn't yet know was a "she" was always a miracle to celebrate, never a mistake to be ashamed of. And our relationship was always rooted in love. That shame that I started owning wasn't really mine, but was given to me from others. And that made me sad for the start of our marriage and for the beginning of our baby's life.

One evening, Daniel met me with a handful of my favorite flowers and took me to the places of some important firsts. First piggie-back-ride on front campus, first kiss under a giant full moon at Holmes Lake, becoming an official couple outside Barnes and Noble.

At the final stop, Pioneers Park where we had said would be a cool place to get married, he got on one knee and said something sweet (that I can't remember) and proposed.

Daniel is my constant. I knew he would be early in our friendship, even while we got to know each other on MSN. Even when I told him we'd never date because his sister was marrying my brother. Even when hugging him at our siblings' wedding or on campus that fall felt like a little piece of home. The cheesiest words I say about our relationship are also the truest: He's my magnet.

Sometime after spring semester and before our late July wedding, we went out to California to visit my parents. I had terrible morning sickness and it was nice to have a little refuge where we didn't have to pretend. Evenings were the worst, and one particularly hard evening, Daniel pointed me into the bathroom which he had prepared with lit candles, a perfect-temperature bath (seriously, he has a gift), a calming iTunes mix, and iced lemonade.

While I relaxed, the lyrics to Book of Love took me over: "The book of love is long and boring... but I love it when you read to me." I knew we were diving straight in to the long and boring--morning sickness and pregnancy exhaustion and depression and anything else we had already endured made sure of that. And somehow I was ready simply because we were diving together.

We prayed regularly asking God to lead us. That we'd be suitable parents for this blessing given to our care. That we'd be suitable spouses to support each other in all the directions life would take us. Despite the outside forces of shame, I held to a glimmer of hope that perhaps this all really was a blessing and one day I really could acknowledge it as such beyond our close friends and family.

Over the years, I've struggled wondering at what point was our precious baby a miracle and not a mistake and at what point were our actions finally based in love and not sin?

My answer these several years has been quiet but persistent and countered the shame imposed on me. Our actions were always based on love and our baby was always a miracle. The shame others threw in said I was wrong. It said that such bold statements would only permit others to "live in sin" and excuse "mistakes."

But let me ask shame's promoters this--Was it marriage that fixed everything? Is that when our actions were finally justified and forgiven and when our baby could finally be considered a wanted blessing?

People sure acted like it did. We returned to college that fall married and my belly noticeably inhabited with a tiny being. I'm sure people talked, but overall the attitude seemed to be "well, at least they're married."

It's not our simple wedding and resulting marriage that "fixed" everything.

It was Who we turned to from the beginning. All along the way we took our love and our miracle before God. We asked forgiveness for not waiting on His ideal for us. We asked His blessing, because we knew His history of hijacking people's detours and leading His people somewhere good in spite of ourselves.

Marriage didn't do that. Our college's mandatory counseling when we returned to school didn't do that. A set amount of time or a birth after a wedding or one magical date didn't do that. It was all Jesus.

Life in Jesus has a way of bringing our choices back around to love and miracles if we'll let Him. In that truth I shed the shame so graciously given me now eight years ago. I proudly tell our whole story.

Pointing out there was a 20-week fetus kicking my insides behind that ivory bridesmaid dress as we exchanged vows--and the next week we were excited to find we were having a girl.

Noting that when our officiant (a friend who shame told us not to tell we were expecting) talked about one day sharing our cup with a little one, we smiled at each other knowingly because we were short months away from "one day."

And by being honest about those little joyous additions to our story, shame can't quiet me from also sharing that skipping the honeymoon phase of our marriage, and skipping an actual honeymoon, sucked. That trying on wedding dresses with a pillow strapped to my belly sucked. That hiding my excitement about our news sucked. That so many parts of embracing that love and that miracle, because of our choices to veer from God's plan, sucked.

Yet, our choices aren't enough to erase God's miracles or diminish His love. And by being honest about all of it, we get to celebrate one, while still being honest about the other. We get to celebrate our love for each other while telling the stress of rushing things. We get to celebrate our beautiful now-7-year-old miracle while sharing the juggling act of being college parents. Because it's all our story. And leaving out the hard or vulnerable only dilutes the good.

It took me eight years to formulate words for this stifled peace I've had since the beginning. I'll say now what I wish I was brave enough to say then: Keep your judgments and shame. We've got freedom and forgiveness and life in Jesus.

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also read:
if you've quit church, read this
undressing our motives
monthly dose of simple

linked up: #tellhisstory

Friday Update // Simplifying Focus in May

For this month's update, I'm sharing my 5 Ways to Begin Growing a Simply Focused Life--in family, work, life, whatever. These are from my free guide Growing a Simply Focused Life. The questions and steps came about in my own efforts to simplify my life as we get ready for a change in season for our growing family, and figuring out what that means for all the things on all my lists.

I've gone through the questions in this mini-journal a couple times and they have worked awesome on helping me zero in on what really matters. A welcome breather for my limited time, energy, and attention. I've already sent the free printable mini-journal with each step and guiding questions to everyone on my e-mail list. If you haven't signed up yet, you can do that below and you'll receive your free download in your welcome e-mail.

Here are those five ways to grow with a little of how they've helped guide my focus over the last month.

1. Identify where I am.

Oh, how my focus has been pulled in so many directions! I have lists of projects and goals I want to tackle: Better meals, blog posts and growth, simplifying home, preparing for a healthy birth and baby, increasing my earnings to contribute financially to our family, increasing hospitality and involvement in our community. Phew. And those are just the bigger projects/goals I dream of tackling!

There are also the daily/recurring  tasks and responsibilities: Doctor appointments (soon to be weekly!), e-mail and online involvement, dishes and laundry, budget and meals, kid entertaining (library and park), and blog upkeep. That's enough to fill my days. But there's more.

I also have to acknowledge our current life happenings: I'm pregnant, Brylee finished kindergarten and is home for the summer, Daniel is still adjusting to his new-ish job, Ian's still not completely over the tantrums and is still anti-potty-training, we're still in a 2-bedroom apartment and really hope to move soon, and we're living on one income with a limited budget.

Yep, there it is--the more complete picture of where I am. Everything that is fighting for my time, energy, and other very limited resources. Most of it's good, but not if it's making me feel guilty for not getting done.

2. Discover where I really want to be.

When it comes down to it, what I want the most is to live well (simply with purpose and contentment) in our own home and family. As I accept the growing of our family (in 7-ish weeks!), I feel a pressing need to get ready. To get our home ready for a possible move or a 5th occupant if we don't move. To love on and care for my kids and husband before we move deeper into survival mode. To live well here and now, because we'll never get this time back.

I want to spend my limited time, energy and money on our home, my marriage, our kids and slowing down to enjoy this season amidst the chaos--nesting and creating family rhythms.

3. Consider what's holding me back.

As much as I enjoy seeing growth in my creative work, that currently adds the least value to my life. Especially when it detracts my attention from these highly dependent littles under my care that won't be little for long. Or when I'm so worn out that I can't maintain home or support Daniel or any number of things currently in my full-time job description as stay-at-home-mom. The creative work will be there when this season settles and will grow naturally when the time is right. Right now, too much focus on creative work holds me back from my focus and calling in the home, in our family, in our "real" life.

4. Let go of good for better.

It's one thing to identify the good things that hold me back from giving my best. It's a much more challenging pursuit to actually let go of those good things. I enjoy the creative outlet of my writing and it's hard to keep my time on it in check. It seems I keep returning to making my next steps in it a priority instead of enjoying a little here and there as I am able--growing slowly and for fun.

The worst that could happen in actually letting this area go as a priority: I'd lose a little momentum. Yep, that's it. But looking at the growth I've seen from when I started, a little bit of effort has gone a long way. Slow growth in these seasons of family and home focus is great. It's just laying a solid foundation for when I'm ready to tackle writing and work more regularly in 3-5 years. (Maybe sooner--who knows.)

Letting go opens room for community and involvement in real life. Play dates and company and family rhythms. Saying yes to this tremendously important calling I have in this season to train my little arrows--these blessings that need me to live courageously for them. It allows me to actually live simply with purpose where I am. So I'll have that true story to tell later on.

5. Live simply where I am.

My lists are now limited and all focus on this season and the people I'm currently called to serve, making the best use of my limited resources. Moving forward my goals are to live simply (focus on God, family, and others in real life) with purpose (just a couple tasks like Simplifying Home and birth/baby prep to work toward and track progress on) where we are (in our 2-bedroom apartment, with 1 income, while I'm a pregnant stay-at-home-mom to two kids).

That's how these guiding questions have helped me point my focus where it needs to be in this season. It's a challenge and distractions always come up. But it's also freeing to give myself permission to let go of good for better. And maybe that helps explain why my posts here have tapered off yet again ;)

It's your turn.

If you haven't already received the mini-journal, sign up below to get it free or learn more here. Go through the guiding questions and get on your way to growing a simply focused life.


S I G N - U P: Where could you simplify + refocus?

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keep in touch:

My next e-mail will be going out this week (sign-up above). When posting is slow here, I'm usually still showing up on Instagram (@beginnerbeans) and Facebook (Trina Cress). Also, our apartment made it into Apartment Therapy's Small Cool Contest! Check it out and vote >> here.

these points shared in other ways at:

Becoming Minimalist

Thrive Moms

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linked up: chatting at the sky // the wiegands // lauren elizabeth // christian mommy blogger // thrive at home

My Path to Simple Intentional Living

The following is a guest post from my brother, Nick Peterson of Livin' Lightly.

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Human behavior is curious. Why do we do the things we do? How many people stop and ask, Why? For me, intentional living is all about stopping and answering this one question.

Meaning

It's too easy to get sucked into a life that is not meaningful and that is not intentional. Our joy and purpose gets traded for what's normal, expected and safe. We know something is missing but we have careers to pursue, stuff to buy and people to impress.

Most paths in our culture are far from intentional and I found myself on this path. Consumption, convenience and duty are the driving force pushing aside our loved ones and beliefs.

Contentment

Several years ago, after the birth of our daughter, my wife and I began to question our path. Shae was an elementary teacher and I was pursuing small business dreams. The majority of our time was spent apart and there was little time and energy at the end of the day.

While we enjoyed our work and found meaning in what we did something was missing...

Dreaming

Shae wanted to be at home with our baby and future kids. We wanted more time together. We wanted more time with extended family. We wanted more time to pursue the things we were passionate about. We wanted adventure and travel and a life lived on purpose!

Planning

Long talks about our dreams led to informal planning sessions. We sat on our bed and made a list of the life we wanted then the obstacles to realizing this life. The list of obstacles became our To Do list. Then, we got to work.

• Place to Live that is affordable and portable
• Vehicle to pull portable home
• Pay-off Debt so we have no more monthly payments
• Income sufficient to meet monthly needs
• Health Insurance

We sold the majority of our stuff, bought and remodeled a vintage Airstream, and developed modest passive income streams to pay the bills.

Challenges

I’d love to report that everyday is completely joy-filled and 100% intentional. It's not. Being intentional has brought many challenges and struggles. One of them is continuing to be intentional. Another is being content with the trade off’s we made.

At times it's tough being different. People constantly question our lifestyle and offer advice like, Why don’t you get a job? Like the old adage of crabs in a bucket...none can escape because the others pull them back in. It's tough attempting to be intentional and sharing life with people that are not on the same page.

Joy!

Despite the challenges and struggles -- its worth it! I get to spend the majority of my day with my family. We see extended family for more than a few days during the holidays. Paisley is growing up with her cousins and it's awesome to see her bond with family. We get to do work we care about and love (most of the time). We get to travel and explore new places. Everyday is an adventure!

If you have found yourself sucked into a path, squeezed into shoes that no longer fit there are other shoes there is another way! (Or heck, why not go barefoot...) Ultimately it's up to you. Slowdown. Look at your life and ask, Why?

Intentional joyful living is just around the corner!

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For more from Nick:
website | Livin' Lightly
instagram | @livinlightly

Family Worship Rhythms

Our family worship routine varies with the seasons. Some seasons we manage to keep at least a simple evening tradition that involves reading a Bible story, praying and even singing a song together before the kids go to bed. Many other seasons, we fall out of the family worship habit.

The seasons that focus more on God are always my favorite; the others are... meh. Nothing epic. Mostly because there is a noticeable difference in our family when we regularly actively seek God and when we don't. Jesus said, "seek and you will find," so what does it say about our family in those seasons when we're not seeking?

Ezra proclaimed a fast to humble themselves before God to seek from Him "the right way for us and our little ones and all our possessions." (Ezra 8:21) I love that distinction between "us" and "our little ones," and that simple inclusion of "all of our possessions," because it matters that we bring each of these concerns before God.

They needed protection where they were crossing, but Ezra was ashamed to ask the king for an escort of soldiers and horsemen. They had already told the king, "The hand of our God is upon all those for good who seek Him, but His power and His wrath are against all those who forsake Him." (Ezra 8:22)

Basically, the king knew them to be seekers of God so they had nothing left to do but to actually and actively seek God.

Maybe a little bit to save face.

So, they fasted and entreated God for protection and direction.

en treat  v :  to plead desperately; to beg for something, often repeatedly.

And after they desperately and repeatedly sought God--He answered their prayer. (Ezra 8:23)

I want that for my family.

I want my family to desperately and repeatedly seek God. To humble ourselves before Him and to always and continually seek His way for us, our growing kids, and even our possessions. I want the wild and crazy answers and movement that His response to this seeking results in.

I want us to find.

So, ever so slowly we are figuring out how to make this happen for us. Daniel and I have entreated God recently as we stepped in faith believing God as described in >> this post. But I want to start getting the kids more involved and instead of making a sometimes-once-a-day-if-we-have-time-for-it routine, I want us to continually throughout each day seek God.

Morning, noon, and night.

On a daily basis, when we're simply seeking direction for today and not some monumental life decision, this seeking doesn't have to be all fasting and candles and prayer vigils. In fact, I'd rather it more often be a little more routine and common than that.

As common as my morning routine of waking Brylee up and getting her breakfast. As comfortable (and maybe a little chaotic) as our family meals. Because faith is beautiful in the daily mess, you know? And as recurring as our goodnights.

Simply praying together in the car as we drive Brylee to school and Daniel to work to start our day with Godly focus. Talking through the highs and lows of our days, and taking them to God with and for each other. Regularly talking about how God might be leading us to better love those around us, then challenging each other in following through. Routinely reading His truth over breakfast or before bed.

These are the rhythms I pray continue to grow for my family. Like Ezra and Daniel and Jesus and so many courageous and faithful people before us, that we will regularly and continually and desperately seek God. Make Him our focus. And encourage each other in following His lead.

Not as a when-it-happens-on-occasion family worship; but a rhythm of breathe-in-breathe-out-daily-family-life worship.

Because we've told a few people we're Christ-followers, so maybe it's time we really put that into practice.

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also read:
purpose-driven goals for the home
family purpose statement
courageous at home
giving your family to God

Living Well with Kids in Small Spaces

Our little family of four is closing in on the end of three years living in our cozy 2-bedroom, 1,000 sq. ft. apartment. We quickly settled into a set-up that has worked for us, giving us all plenty of space to relax, play, work, and even entertain and welcome others into our small space.

Now, with baby three due in a few short months, we are looking around for a small 3-bedroom option. I'm all for a challenge of living small, but more than anything I am craving a yard for my growing kids to easily play outside. That said, I wanted to share a few thoughts on how we have made our apartment work for our young family. You know, before we (hopefully) transition to a 3-bedroom space.

Hidden Toy Storage

Daniel came up with our minimalist entertainment solution before we moved in, and I quickly latched onto it loving the potential of adding ottomans to stowaway some of the kids' toys. Since the kids share a room, this gives them a little extra toy storage, and it also makes it easily accessible making the living room act as an alternative playroom. Clean up is also super easy, keeping the living room guest-friendly.

More pictures of our entertainment solution are >> here.

Kid Bookshelf Space

The kids also have their own space on the bookshelf for their books, so no book-space necessary in their tight room. There is space here for quite a few of their favorite books, as well as a shelf for the books we get from the library--especially since the library is our primary reason for not needing to own lots of our own kids' books.

The books are more easily accessible for the kids by putting them cover forward in a covered crate. This keeps our bookshelf looking clean and simple, while making the books easy to find for the kids.

Our undercover crates w/ link to tutorial is >> here.

Kid-Friendly Workspace

This kid-sized table in the dining room serves as a multi-purpose workspace for the kids. They do art here and play here and often even eat here. I thought only a large home would have space for something like this, but with a little creative rearranging there is just enough space for our main dining table and for the kids' table. Now I can't imagine not having this little workspace just for them.

Displaying Artwork

Incorporating the kids' artwork throughout our home is also a special way to make them feel at home here. We have some simple twine and clothespins over their table that we keep artwork curated. This space helps keep the fridge and other areas from getting cluttered, because they know this is the designated art area. There have also been times when I'll take a painting or other picture and frame it to add in the living room or over my desk. Putting it in a frame makes it stand out and mesh better with the decor.

Then, there are the areas like over the dining table where I specifically seek their help in creating what I hang on the walls. I told Brylee what I wanted written and let her decorate how she saw fit. I just love her involvement in that project and the result.

More pictures of the dining area are >> here.

Rethinking Furniture

The kids' bedroom is the main place we have really had to reconsider furniture--both what is necessary and how it's placed. We started with considering what's necessary. The kids have never had a dresser, as their clothes are all organized in hanging closet organizers. This helps keep everything paired down to the essentials and what's current. They share a bookshelf and have a couple bins to organize toys.

Then, we got creative with furniture placement. Instead of wasting the space in front of the large closet doors, we strategically placed Ian's crib in front of the closet. We pulled it far enough forward that there is enough space to easily access everything in the closet. But it's also out of the way to allow room for toys and play.

More pictures of the kids' room are >> here for Brylee's space
and >> here for Ian's space.

Decluttering Kids' Toys, Clothes, Books

The absolute essential to helping us fit well with kids in our small home is decluttering. Kids are a magnet for things--clothes, gifts, trinkets, toys, books, etc. It's amazing how quickly we start falling out of closets and off of shelves if I don't stay on top of clearing out the excess. But as I do go through and choose carefully what we need, what we love, and what we use, then we always fit well in our home and create a naturally more organized and spacious place.

Counting Our Blessings

I constantly remind myself (and the kids) how blessed we are--and those blessings aren't dependent on the size of our space. In this season, we are so fortunate to each have our own comfy places to rest our sleepy heads, and climate control from the harsh seasonal weather, and cupboards full of food with a clean space to cook and eat.

The list goes on and on. But no matter where we find ourselves--whether we're living with my sister while we find a job and a home or living in our own 2-bedroom palace--I hope we will always find something to be thankful for, and find some way to use whatever little or lot that we have to be a blessing to others.

That, I feel, is truly a space well-used.

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r e l a t e d   p o s t s :

the month we put away the kids' toys
indoor kids activities
picture chore charts
love the place you live
exhausted, but not giving up

Simplifying Home | Week 2: Living + Family

Let's get on with Week 2 of Simplifying Home!

If you're new: go here >> to see what Simplifying Home is all about and download the free checklist.

Remember: You do not have to complete every item on the list. This is all about jumping in with your best effort, whatever that may be. I promise, the end result will still be worth it even if you can only check off a few items on the list each week. And share your own updates and photos on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter with #SimplifyingHome.

Just turn on some fun music and jump in!

Simplifying Home | Week 2: Living + Family

Clean + Declutter

I shared the cleaning and decluttering process in Week 1. This week, continue that process into the living and family rooms in your home. If you're not in a habit of decluttering, then you might start with one or two areas that really need attention. If you declutter regularly, then you might be able to make a quick decluttering sweep through the entire living/family room(s).

Decluttering Questions

I'm gonna break this down real easy for you: Do you love it? Do you need it? Those are the two questions that carry me through most of my decluttering. If we don't need it and we don't love it, then why do we have it? Maybe it's sentimental, maybe there's history, maybe we think we'll need it in the future. Get honest with your answers to those two questions, and use the outbox liberally for any grey areas.

Style Board

Thanks to Pinterest, more and more of us have likely already started this. Setting up a style board for our home is as simple as clipping favorite spaces from magazines, or these days Pinning inspiring spaces to an online board. This is all about guilt-free browsing--no need to worry about how much you pin or if you'll ever do everything you pin. You won't.

The point of this is to see all of your favorite and inspiring spaces together in one place, and get a sense for your preferred style. You don't have to know any technical design terms, just notice commonalities in the images. This will serve as a bit of refocus as you make decisions about what to add or take away from each space in your home. And, it's a fun refresher for when you get overwhelmed and need a break from your work-in-progress to be reminded of what you're aiming for.

See my home style trays >> here.

Browse the following sites to fill your style tray:
Design*Sponge
DecorPad
A Beautiful Mess

Pinterest (browse the "home decor" category, or search for key terms like "simple home")

Set Timer + Clean

When we're not vacuuming, mopping, and dusting throughout the home, setting the timer is another good way to get things cleaned. With both methods, the idea is that once you get started with the minimum, you'll likely build motivation as you go.

Set the timer for twenty minutes and get as much cleaning done in that time as possible. If you have a family or roommates, get everyone involved involved making the progress exponentially better. A little dividing and conquering helps--someone picks up, another does dishes, another works on vacuuming or laundry.

20 minutes goes a long way. Even if you're working by yourself, choose the room that needs it the most and I'm sure the effort will pay off and progress will spread throughout the home.

Overachiever

Wash Curtains

This is one of those seasonal cleaning tasks that rarely gets done. Curtains still collect dust (and grime if you have kids or fur if you have pets), so it's a good idea to throw them in the wash periodically.

Air-Cleansing Houseplants

Look into and consider making a potted plant or two (or several) a permanent addition to your home. Back in the 1980s NASA provided research on the benefit of several specific air-purifying houseplants. These plants are proven to cleanse a home of many of its common pollutants within 24 hours!

Added bonus: Plants provide an element of life to our decorations. It's worth decluttering our shelves if it makes room for a healthy little thing in a favorite pot.

Learn more about air-cleansing plants:
Air-Purifying Houseplants
Top 10 Air-Filtering Plants
NASA's '89 Study on Indoor Plants
How to Grow Fresh Air (book)
Air-Filtering Plants with Pet Toxicity

Home Shopping/Wish List

You can get my printable home wish list >> here. Before adding anything to the home, put it on the list and think about why you want/need it. We're simplifying here, afterall, and adding things to the home is a little counter productive. If it stays on the list for a couple weeks, and especially if it's replacing something, then go ahead and think through where you'll shop around for it and what your budget is for it.

A reader recently asked how making a room inspiring fits in with simple-living. Especially if we already have a home set up with the basics (furniture, etc.), then how do we justify adding or changing items that aren't really necessary?

My answer: I'm not opposed to buying or updating, as long as I do so intentionally with careful consideration and don't do so on a whim. While it's important to be content when needs are met, I also believe in having an inspiring, calming home. So, with careful planning and some time to be sure my choices will be long lasting, I am not opposed to making updates/changes throughout my home.

As I have done this throughout the last few years, I have created a home that I am very proud of. And changes and updates have slowed considerably as I've gotten each space closer to what I long for it to be. It's a good feeling to no longer feel uneasy or discontent in our space. And I've found letting go of belongings has helped the most--once you clear out the excess, it becomes clear those one or two items that truly will help complete the space and make it something that's useful AND beautiful.

If you haven't started already, now is a good time to start thinking and dreaming of how you can make your home inspire you. Don't necessarily go on a shopping spree (that comes in Week 7) or get overzealous in your dreaming. Just think about what elements might improve your space. This is especially great to approach as you declutter. Then, you should have some freed space to think about completing it intentionally.

Family Day / Date Night

Make an effort to spend time with those you love. Plan an at-home family or date night. You choose. Make it as simple or detailed as you like. A simple game with the family or dessert with the spouse after the kids are in bed will suffice. But you could also make it special with a theme or a nice meal or some other extra effort if you'd rather.

Just spend a moment with the ones you love--the people we live in daily routine with and sometimes forget to slow down and really enjoy. This is your chance.

Here are few more ideas:
100 Date Night Questions
50 Family Dinner Questions
Simple Date Night Basics

Your Home Projects

Be sure to add your top 1-2 home tasks for this week or the living/family area of your home. This is your list, so get done those things that you really have been wanting to get done!

Simple Home Living + Family Room Products

*Affiliate links used. See full note below.

Here are a few of my favorite living + family room products for a simple home...

Living Room Comforts

1. accent chairs |  Amazon has a lot of affordable accent chairs, and Target always seems to have fun accent chairs on clearance online. That's where I got ours and they add a bit of fun to our previously neutral and boring living room. Plus, they offer extra seating without taking up too much space.

2. pillow covers | I love cute pillows and they're a great way to add comfort and color to the room. I don't like the idea of buying all new pillows when I want to update. So, when I've changed my mind about pillows, I keep what we have then just find covers I like. Our current pillow covers are from IKEA.

3. functional blanket | When it comes to blanket, there are lots of pretty options that I love. However, functionality always wins out on this one for me. Our absolute favorite blanket was an accidental buy. It's queen size and I didn't realize how huge it is. But we love it because it's so big that the husband and I can share it on date nights, or it can stretch across everyone on the couch when we're watching a family movie. I realize that's not what everyone looks for in a blanket, but we love ours so much I just had to share the love ;)

4. area rug | We got our area rug on super clearance at Target (from $120 down to $35!). However, after moving we need to update sizes--an area rug should rest under the feet of furniture, not float by itself in the middle of the room like ours currently does. An area rug obviously isn't essential, but we actually like the protection it gives over the carpet, especially with kids and lots of foot traffic in front of the sofa.

5. matching frames | I'm a fan of getting several cheap matching wood frames, usually in 8x10. Then I can add a matting inside or outside the frame to fancy it up, and put them together in a collage. If I buy something larger or nicer, I usually wait for a really good sale and make sure I know exactly what I'm getting, where I plan to hang out, and I plan to put in it. For example, we recently bought a poster board, added our family's handprints in black paint all over it, then framed it in a poster frame I got for 50% off. It makes a big statement over our sofa for really cheap. And if I end up changing my mind (like I sometimes do), I can change it without worrying about wasting money.

Family Room Functionality

1. storage ottomans | these are a great place to stash toys quickly, and they serve mutliple purposes as foot rest, add a tray and use as a side table, or even use for extra seating. Choose something sturdy for most uses. We have 3 matching cubes that we got on clearance at Target.

2. boxes, bins, and baskets | We have IKEA boxes that we store DVDs and Wii games on our TV stand, a basket is great for corralling kids' books, and cubes look neater on our bookshelf to hold books (of course) among other things. It also helps put natural limits on our things (only what fits in a bin can be kept), and it makes clean up easier.

3. houseplants | I already mentioned I'm a big fan of houseplants, especially the air-cleansing varieties that add very practical benefits to the home (see above). Choose a pot that matches to your home's decor and you have functionality meets fun.


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also read:
simplifying home: 8-week challenge
week 3: kitchen + dining
the delicate balance of contentment
living room home tour
monthly dose of simple

*Note: Amazon + Target affiliate links used in this post. Any purchases made through these links could earn me a small commission with no extra cost to you. Thanks for your support!

Family Purpose Statement // writing + displaying

A lifetime ago (or so it seems) when I worked full-time, our department worked on revising its mission statement and core values. Being the developer and word-lover that I am, I loved this activity.

Zeroing in on the action words that defined our work, choosing a motivation to move us forward, and pinpointing the people group we impact. I couldn't help but take a blank worksheet home to apply to our family.

I wanted our family to be so intentional on the actions and the motivation to drive us to meet our goals, impacting people in a way only Christ could lead us to do. I ultimately wanted His missional blessing on our family and our purpose.

As much as I thrived on this activity, I never got around to applying it to our family. While the questions were simple enough, it just seemed too hard to choose a singular focus (or even a few) for our family.

Does my family need a purpose statement?

A couple years later, I stumbled into Tsh's post on creating a family purpose statement, and later her family's displayed purpose statement, and fell in love with the idea all over again. Yet months more passed as I avoided the "draft a family purpose statement" line on my to-do list. It just seemed an insurmountable task to take everything our family does and uncover a magical statement to guide us.

Then, I realized a funny thing happened over the years: Our family changed jobs and locations twice. We expanded our family by one more. We purchased and sold cars and took on volunteer responsibilities. We basically lived life without a purpose statement. Unlike all the how-to articles tell me, we didn't need that one statement to make all of our major decisions.

Instead, we needed God's leading, the moving of His Spirit and the grace of His Son. We prayed through each of those decisions holding onto faith together as a family. Holding the King and His Kingdom as our purpose.

A Christian's Purpose

It was clear--that was it. Instead of a brand new statement--one true only to our family and only for this season--it seemed clear our purpose is for Jesus. Living for His glory, seeking His Kingdom and inviting others into that life.

As Christ-followers, we all have the same set of instructions to follow. We all have the same blueprint to find our way through this life (and into forever). The specifics will likely be different--we will decide on different jobs, different dwelling places, and different family logistics. But the same truths are there for us, clearly printed as our guide.

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 says our whole duty is to fear God and keep His commands.

What are His commandments?

Jesus said they are summed up in this: Love God + love others. (Luke 10:27)

That's it. That is our simple and Christ-centered purpose.

Right there I just saved you hours (possibly weeks) of writing and drafting and formulating something that would likely change within a few months. That's not to say the process isn't worth it. But maybe, just maybe, we could put those hours and weeks into prayer and action based on God's Word.

Just a thought.

Our Mission Statement on Display

When it came to displaying our family purpose Bible texts, I had big plans of turning the wall over our dining table into a big 3 x 3 grid of squares that would include a couple pictures, our family's mission statement, a chalkboard for our weekly menu, and a calendar to track our family's happenings all in one central spot.

When I edited and simplified that idea, I came up with one simple 2 x 2 grid of squares that displays our family's purpose in text and in photos.

Family Photos

In the top left frame is the photo of a little Indian girl we sponsor named Poojitha; in the top right frame is a picture my friend took of a little Mongolian child that lived next door when I stayed with them for a few months. These are to remind us that our family is bigger than ourselves--it's deeper than blood and so far beyond this little apartment we call home. Our family is ultimately the world-wide family of God, and I wanted a visual reminder of that. A reminder that our purpose is to love and care for each other like brothers and sisters.

Family Purpose Statement

I had Brylee write our two Bible texts to make her a part of this. In the bottom left frame is "love one another like brothers and sisters" based on Romans 12:10; in the bottom right frame is "love God with all your heart, soul and mind" based on Deuteronomy 6:5. I felt these two texts nicely summarized our call to love God and love others.

Three Steps to Writing a Traditional Mission Statement

But maybe that level of simplicity isn't for you. Perhaps a more traditional mission statement is just what your family needs. Or maybe you could use some extra focus on what you're doing at work or with your family and why you're doing it. A simple mission statement could help.

There are three basic pieces to uncovering your mission statement (as taken from that worksheet I took home years ago)...

1. Write down one to three meaningful and purposeful action verbs that describe your/your family’s work.

2. Write down who (individual or group) you/your family serves/impacts.

3. What principle, cause, value or purpose of your/your family’s work would you defend to the death or devote your life to? This is your core value. Write that word or phrase down.

Using the responses above, craft your/your family’s mission statement. Insert your answers from above into the corresponding blanks in the statement below:

My mission/the mission of my family is to [action verbs from #1] to/for/with [individual/group served in #2] so that [core value from #3].

Mission Statement Examples:

My mission is to encourage others in simple, intentional and contented living to give glory to God and point others to His Kingdom.

The mission of our family is to love and support each other, treating others as our own family that God's Kingdom would be apparent in our actions both inside + outside our home as it is in Heaven.

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