Finding the Joy in Missing Out

My FOMO (fear of missing out) is actually a confirmation of having missed out every time I get online. I'm reminded of what others are doing that I'm not; local gatherings I wasn't invited to; and life milestones that I haven't met or may never meet, but my peers have.

I've actually missed out on a lot in life. Some even big things that I still think about years after the fact. Like not going to one of my BFF's weddings over a decade ago. Or not graduating high school. I've also missed out on building a career and buying a home (at least for now).

Missing out is a fact of life, and fearing it is just causing me to miss out on what I have here and now. We have every right and even the power to replace our fear and disappointment with joy, contentment, and gratitude.

Everything I have "missed out on" represents some other opportunity or life experience I got to be a part of.

I didn't make it to my friend's wedding because I was about to have a baby and didn't want to risk travelling out of state. I didn't graduate high school because it seemed pointless after the life experience I gained living overseas the nine months before. I set aside my career and our hopes of buying a home so that I could be the daily caregiver for our kids while they were young.

It all depends on our focus--am I too busy pouting about what I've missed to see the joy of what I have?

Because I have a lot, and not appreciating it in some ways is equal to not having it. Giving into the fear or disappointment over comparisons keeps me from even recognizing what's right in front of me. It may not be a lot compared to others, but since it's all I've got, it's everything to me.

Following are a few things I'm learning about replacing fear with joy:

1. There is no fear in love.
"Perfect love casts out fear." (1 John 4:18) Fear when talked about in the FOMO context is often said in more of a joking way, but I believe it's fear nonetheless. It has no place in my life or in my faith. Jesus' perfect love casts out fear, where it is replaced with peace and joy and goodness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)

2. We get to choose abundant life.
Jesus said that "the thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy." Doesn't that sound like what happens when we let social media, comparisons, or other distractions or addictions suck the life out of us? Trivializing it just gives it more power. But Jesus came that we "may have life, and have it more abundantly." (John 10:10) I believe it's possible. When we take back what's being taken from us by being present and attentive and thankful. Living this one life we have with abundance.

3. Fullness of joy is in love.
After Jesus talked about the vine and branches, he summarized by saying, "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love." And we abide in His love by following his commandments to love (see #4 below). When we do this--when we abide in Jesus by loving--His joy remains in us in full. (John 15:9-11) Fullness of joy is in the fullness of our love.

4. Love as Jesus loved--in person.
Jesus' commandment is that we "love one another" as He has loved us (John 15:12). He could love us from afar--and He did/does. But He came to this world to love us in person, then gave us the Holy Spirit so that we can continue to be loved in person. Isn't that the best way to love? In person? Giving of our self? If you take away all the extras of life, what's left, the actual substance of life is love--being loved and loving others. We don't do that by being consumed and distracted and handing our lives away. We do that by being present and attentive to those around us.

Whether our fear keeps us chasing what isn't meant for us, or if it's just the emotional pit that lingers when we see our "dull" lives in contrast to "everyone else's"--the power to change that is not in doing more. It's in simply being.

Be present in this moment, in all of its unglamorous glory and know that this is life. This breathing. These people. This home. These choices that you've made and the ones still ahead. The way you spend your time and the moments that make up your life.

There is joy in it, joy in missing out on what's best for everyone else's life so that you can live what's best for your life.

Live it in love with joy.

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also see:
new? start here...
getting through season transitions
how to get the most out of today
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*Credit to my sister-in-law Michaela who first introduced me to the idea of JOMO (joy of missing out) years ago.

For Those of Us Who Adjust Slowly to Change

I spent the morning reading in a hammock, peeking up at the palm trees above me to lock them in memory. I had tagged along with my husband to his work conference in Florida, and we were going to be flying back home to the midwest that afternoon.

He spent his days in meetings, while I spent mine soaking up sunshine and rain and all the green. And getting to choose how I spent my time without interruption (stuff I didn't know to dream of before I had kids).

Each day I walked from the little resort's lobby with blended coffee in hand. That first day, I stopped just past the little wooden bridge in front of the wall of greenery that surrounded the pool area and impulsively smiled. My heart felt so full that it threatened to release in the form of tears.

I can't explain it, and I don't think we have to explain what makes us feel alive, but green plants and sunshine in that moment made me feel so happy I could cry. Like I'd returned home--the place I was always meant to be.

To mix it up, I left the serenity under the hammock and relocated to read by the pool. Again, spending as much time reading as mentally scanning the abundance of luscious green plants into my memory bank.

Longer reading breaks were for floating in the cool water to get relief from the heat of the morning sun. Just me and a couple elderly women relaxing at the edge of the calm end of the pool. The hammock and the pool and the palm trees--it's the stuff vacation dreams are made of.

Within a couple hours we were already packed up and on our way to the airport. A storm rolled in, delaying our flight, followed by another hour-plus delay while we sat on the plane. With each minute that passed, that morning's relaxation drifted further and further away.

By that same night, I went to sleep exhausted in my own bed in Nebraska. It was like the morning was a distant dream I wouldn't have believed was real if I hadn't taken pictures of it and spent so much time taking it in to try not to forget.

This is the disoriented space I often find myself during seasons of transition... like waiting in the airport for our direct flight from relaxed summer days full of sun and green, straight to the uber structured days of the school year followed closely by a long season of cold.

There's definitely good to each season that comes around. It often just takes me a moment, or a few, to re-find my footing there. To become reoriented to finding joy in this simple present, not the one from before that I yearn for.

If you, like me, adjust slowly and sometimes reluctantly to change... there is space for us to transition at our own pace. We don't have to rush from season to season as quickly as we perceive others doing so.

We don't have to be ready for the school year when the supplies come out in July, or ready for fall when the Halloween costumes start being displayed on the same day we posted the kids' back-to-school pictures. Or ready for summer when the swimsuits show up while there's still snow on the ground. I happen to love summer, so that one is just a cruel tease.

We can rush into the next season if we choose to, but we don't have to. We can take it at our pace, fast or slow, readily or reluctantly.

Following is what helps me get through a season transition when I'm reluctant to accept what's next:

1. Look around and find something to be grateful for here.
My go-to is my people. Even if they sometimes stress me out, they are still the part of life I'm most thankful. I also experience a reflexive deep sense of gratitude when I am in places I love (nature or my simple living room), or when I spend time doing things I love (flipping through magazines for inspiration or writing).

2. Remember, or create, something to look forward to.
There is usually something coming up that makes the next season feel worth diving into. Whether it's pleasantries of the season (summer is my jam, but I do love a cozy sweater and hot drink in the cooler months); an event or gathering; or some new role or opportunity (like my return to blogging now that my youngest is at preschool). If I have nothing to look forward to, that usually means it's time for me to plan something like inviting friends over or finding local events to attend.

3. Give self grace to not live in this in-between with as much ease as desired.
The first few days of any transition feels deeply uncomfortable to me. Even if it's a transition I've been through before or have looked forward to. The first days of school, the first days of summer, even the first days of switching up something in our home. Instead of being frustrated by that, I'm learning to expect it and let it happen, knowing the feelings often calm within a day or two.

Those of us who are reluctant to change will adjust to this new season.

Eventually. In our own time.

And that's okay.

>>>

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new? start here...
lessons on slow
self-care over the long haul
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Slow and Steady Self-Care Over the Long Haul

My now 7-year-old was 6-days-old, laying on a blanket with sun pouring on him through the condo window. I laid on the floor beside him, soaking in the same sunrays and locking the sweetness of the moment into memory.

Not even an hour before, I was on the beach just a block away.

It was my brother's destination wedding weekend in St. Pete Beach, Florida just a 2-hours drive from our home at the time. It was Sabbath, the day before the wedding, and both families (my brother's and his bride's) were out enjoying a warm January morning on the beach. Beaches are my absolute favorite, so of course I longed to join them.

Sure, I'd delivered an 11-pound baby just 6 days before. But I figured if I could get out to where everyone was, I would just sit and enjoy the scenery and let my postpartum body relax. How hard could it be?

Apparently harder than I thought. Not even a few yards into the sand, I felt like I'd paced a dessert and back. I was hot, my calves ached, and I felt heavy like I was sinking further into quicksand with each step. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to where everyone else was, and certainly not make it all the way back. My husband walked baby and me back to the condo where we could get some real rest.

At first, I felt defeated. Who can't simply walk on a beach?

Then, nestled with baby on the condo floor, I looked over at my sweet little chub filling out his size 0-3 month onesie. I felt the warmth of the sun washing away my false hopes of where I thought I should be and felt a deep peace knowing this was exactly where I needed to be. With my brand new only-a-newborn-once son, relishing the view of watching him sleep. Letting my body slow and rest to allow the post-childbirth bleeding to stop in its own time, rather than making it worse by pushing myself in the name of not missing out.

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That's the image that keeps coming to mind as I think about my venture into self-care over the last couple years. Except I've had a long walk off the beach away from what I wanted, to be able to find a little more of what I needed. And that was some good old fashioned self-care.

I've had to say "no" to so many things I wanted, including after saying some haphazard "yeses" on my good days. I've felt guilty over disappointing people with my lack of follow-through, and simultaneously embarrassed that I didn't understand what I was going through so couldn't use it as an explanation.

I've had mornings that I strongly felt I couldn't go on without a nap at 9 a.m., or some naps I've woken up from and prayed for the energy to get out of bed. I've been unable to cry and felt like I'd explode from the pressure, and I've been afraid I felt too much and might not be able to stop crying if I started. I've experienced my first panic attacks and my first realization that some low-grade anxiety has maybe always been part of my life, the same way low-grade depression has.

I've lost passion for things I've loved to the point of thinking the words, "I miss being alive." Of course I knew I meant I miss feeling alive, but in my head it was being fully alive that I missed.

And honestly, all of this has gone off and on with outsiders hardly able to notice unless I told them so. There were still tons of good and capable moments and days to make me believe I was fine or just having the occasional "off" day. I wasn't clinically depressed with a "fix" one diagnosis and prescription away. Instead, it was a web of symptoms connected to a web of causes that ebbed and flowed, leaving me not always able to decipher if the chicken laid the egg or hatched from the egg.

Untangling the web has included slow and steady self-care over the long haul. Yearly doctor's appointments and blood draws that at various times pointed to low iron and low Vitamin D as the culprits to my lack of energy, loss of passion, mixed up emotions. Starting my own routine with a counselor, because no amount of my encouraging others to see a counselor makes up for my not seeing one myself in 10 years. (And realizing I didn't even finish what I first started in counseling 10 years ago.)

Not accepting the explanation that I have 3 kids and that's why I'm tired, as if this inner aching is the life I can expect from here on. (You would not believe how many times people remind me I have 3 kids as if that's reason enough to be incapable of living my life to its fullest.)

Regularly taking iron, a Vitamin B complex, and Vitamin D even in the summer (because it was still summer when I first tested low in it). And more daily habits including nightly vinyasas, less caffeine and more water, writing morning pages for a little daily therapy, making an effort to see good friends, saying no when old me could have said yes, allowing space for the feels even if they're uncomfortable, and grace for not being able to fit in a day what I once was able to.

And the doozy for me: Finding my value in something other than productivity. Seeing that God gave me worth in my mere existence (based on His mere existence), not in anything I'm capable of and can produce. When I had newborn babies, I felt accomplished when the laundry was clean and the dishes put away. Now when I do only those things, I reprimand myself for not having done more.

I have a long history of depending on results I can see and checking off lists, so I've had to make new lists that simply ask, Did I put pen to paper today, even if it was just in my own journal? Did I take my vitamins? Did I read truth from God's Word? Did I unplug and sit in the uncomfortable stillness if even for a moment? Did I truly see my loved ones and be present with them? Can I find at least one reason to be grateful? If yes, then I succeeded in living today.

The results of getting things done will for sure fade away; the deeper meaningfulness of life cannot. Because even when we're gone from this Earth, we are forever safely in God's care. And that's enough for me to trust. And give thanks.

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I'm still in the midst of it. Soaking in the Son-rays washing away my false hopes of where I think I should be and accepting the deep peace knowing this is exactly where I need to be. Letting my body slow and rest to allow the metaphorical bleeding to stop in its own time, rather than making it worse by pushing myself in the name of not missing out.

I've meant to write about self-care for a while now, but imagined more of a how-to post or list of ideas for you to use (updated: here's that list of self-care ideas). I suppose simply telling you my vulnerably honest experience these last couple years is what really needed to come forth, despite it's melancholy overtones. The full human experience includes the range of joy and pain, sometimes even at the same time.

If you can at all relate, may you feel a little less alone and be encouraged to get the help that you need. You are every bit worth the effort and the care, dear friend.

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also see:

new? start here...

practical ways to self-care
making sense of a hard year

5 things only you can do

grow life emails

Lessons on Slow -- Making Sense of a Hard Year

Last year was my year for slow. When I chose that word for the year, I imagined a beautifully simplified and intentionally filled life. I would let go of unnecessary commitments, and fill my time with the best stuff life has to offer. Instead, after I said "no" to some things, I did not like the slow that I was met with. Instead of leading me to beautiful new commitments, God walked with me through the challenging slow.

Slow made all of the emotional struggles I didn't even know I was hiding come to the surface. Slow felt itchy and uncomfortable like I needed something, anything, to do to ignore it a while longer. Slow revealed a grief over a life transition that I hadn't yet realized I was mourning. Slow made room for the fog in my life, and I did not like the fog, therefore I did not like that season of slow.

For all of those reasons, last year was a hard year. It was also a really good year with a strong list of amazing memories and experiences with people I love and in cool places. Those were moments of joy in an otherwise tough season. A season that leaves me feeling so thankful now that it's over.

I'm thankful because the challenges of last year taught me some lasting, meaningful lessons.

1. Growth doesn't always look like big, beautiful blooms.

Sometimes it looks like worms and dirt and mulch. But that doesn't mean strong, foundational roots aren't growing under the surface. I not entirely on purpose turned to a lot of children's books on seasons and growth. Each of those books offered sweet and simple encouragement for what I was experiencing.

2. The good stuff in life is all from God.

Particularly His creation--people and nature. It brings such lasting joy even in the middle of spiritual or emotional or relational wildernesses. We frequented a nearby park on the weekends, were in the path of totality for the solar eclipse, enjoyed a Thanksgiving sunrise, and even went on a cruise for our 10-year anniversary. Those experiences brought so much joy being with people I love and enjoying the awesome wonders of God's creation.

3. Be careful what you ask for.

Just kidding. Kind of. Choosing to focus on and make room for "slow" this year opened up an unexpected, and altogether necessary, can of worms. But in gardening and in life, worms can be used for good.

4. Self-care isn't all manicures and bubble baths.

Often self-care is hard things like doctor appointments and taking vitamins and breaking socially acceptable addictions like social media scrolling and Netflix binging. Nobody can do those things for you. And, yes, sometimes self-care is even bubble baths and manicures.

5. "Away" doesn't solve problems.

They'll just follow along for the ride. Addressing problems is the only real way to solve them. This is a lesson I've learned and relearned a few times over since I was 15. And yet I still dream of going "away" when I feel discomfort.

It's your turn. Pull out a pen and paper (or a notebook you can collect these sorts of things in). Write "What I learned in the last year" and start listing whatever comes to mind. Write a list of short phrases, or fill out a story or experience that goes with it if you want. Sometimes acknowledging the end result or seeing a lesson learned can make the hard times worth the struggle.

And there's always good stuff, even in the hard. So be sure to add that to the list too.

>>>

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new? start here...
ways to be filled
ways to get inspired
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30-Second Anytime Break

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day 29 of 31 celebrating three-oh

I got the sweet gift of a 2-minute reset at a women's retreat last weekend. Since coming home, I've used the same practice for shorter resets of 30 seconds or less throughout the day when I need it most. I'll share my experience, then share how to do a 30-second anytime break yourself.

We were in a seminar on motherhood where a psychologist was sharing about mindful parenting. Mindfulness--it's the opposite of mindlessness. It's what helps us make better decisions. Choices that combine our facts and feelings to act in a Christ-centered way rather than lashing out in exhausted emotions.

To show us a little example of proactive mindfulness, she had us all put down our pens, paper, cups, or phones we were holding. She had us set our hands in our laps, relax our muscles, and take deep, slow breaths in through our noses and out through our mouths. With each breath, we intentionally lengthened the breath, breathing in slowly through our noses, and taking even longer to blow the breath out through our mouths.

She told us to focus on the verse "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." She said that thoughts come in our minds at a crazy rate per second, and we have to help train our minds which thoughts to settle on. So for two minutes we would focus on this Bible text, and for any other thoughts that came to mind we'd simply say in our minds "next."

When she started the timer, the room was quiet, our eyes were closed, and we focused. I thought about the text, and quickly found myself thinking of all the things I wanted Christ to do in my life with His strength. Stabilize our finances and revive our marriage and speak through me in the seminar I was supposed to give during the next session.

Instead of letting my mind dwell on my personal areas of weakness and need, I said "next." Even if they related somewhat to doing the things in my life through Christ, I said "next" and instead focused on Christ.

Soon, behind my closed eyes, it was just me sitting cross-legged with white all around and the words "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" stacked in large black block letters filling the space directly in front of me. A new thought or distraction would come to mind, I would say "next," and it would bounce off the word Christ as He reclaimed His spot as the focus, the source of strength, in that text, and now in my life.

My nerves and anxiety and obsessive problem-focusing settled. By the end of the 2 minutes, my stomach softened, my shoulders loosened, my heart steadied, and I felt such calm in the fact that it's not about what I can do or what I want Christ to do. The whole point is that Christ can do all things, and He will do some of those things through me when I stop obsessing and dictating.

When I find myself obsessing and getting anxious, I remember mindfulness. Instead of mindlessly letting my mind wander, I bring it back into focus on Christ. Meditating on His truth and light.

I need to do that for longer periods to start each morning and end each day, and maybe taking a break each afternoon. In between, when my shoulder's in knots and my stomach's full of nerves over I don't know what, I can take a 30-second break. A refocusing.

An anytime break to practice mindfulness. Give it a try. ↓

Stop.

Close your eyes.

Loosen your muscles.

Slow your breath.

Deep, long, slow breath in through your nose.

Longer, slower breath out through your mouth.

Another deeper, longer slower breath in through your nose.

Another longer, slower, breath out through your mouth.

Now set your mind on truth. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Or God reaches down and saves me because He delights in me. Or any Bible text or simple statement that focuses on Jesus.

When other thoughts come to mind (because they will), say "next."

Just loosen, relax, calm, breath, and focus your mind on truth.

Do this for a set amount of time, or for a few breaths, or briefly before you address the child or task screaming for your attention.

Reset. And repeat as often as needed throughout the day.

Practice mindfulness so you can act in love and truth, rather than mindlessly defaulting to negativity or despair.


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also see:
new? start here...
31 days celebrating three-oh
monthly dose of simple

30 Ways to Slow + Rest

day 8 of 31 celebrating three-oh

Sabbath is my favorite. It's always been a part of my life. Thanks, Mom and Dad. Every Saturday since I can remember has been a chance to slow and rest. To stop the carousel of life and regain footing on solid ground.

We didn't normally watch TV, and still usually don't unless it's something like a nature documentary. We try to spend time outside, spend time with family and friends, and eat something delicious. It's also the one time each week we all nap, or at least go to our separate rooms and try to nap.

Sabbath morning is when we bake cinnamon rolls or muffins. It's the one day every week my brain actually shuts off from to-do lists. My planner and notebooks get closed, and the things that need to be done are set aside for after this rest-day, when I'm better prepared to handle it.

The deep sigh of relief that comes Friday evening is hard to describe. It's a longing fulfilled, a true gift to unwrap, and a blessing I couldn't imagine living without. The weight of the week lifts, as we light a candle, turn on soothing music, kick up our feet, and do nothing. Or read or talk or just be still in the calming fact that we are not in charge of making the world go round.

And perhaps that's what God always meant Sabbath to be. He created this world and set it spinning. Then he rested on the seventh day and gifted us right into our weekly routine an invitation to step off the carousel, and remember. Remember it's He that holds the weight of the world, not us. Certainly not me.

Thank you, Jesus.

So, I will continue to take these weekly Sabbath rests and teach my kids to rest, too. I'll even take what helps us rejuvenate on Sabbath to use for daily breaks to refresh each day and for the occasional fast each month.

Here are some ideas to try your own slowing and resting. ↓

1. Flip through a magazine.

2. Walk around the neighborhood.

3. Listen to music. Something calming.

4. Get outdoors. Out of city limits.

5. Visit a new park. Or any park.

6. Watch the sunset. Or get up early to see the sunrise.

7. Read from a book. An actual, physical book.

8. Prop your feet up. Lay your head back. Relax.

9. Shut down your computer. All the way down.

10. Log off social media. Even on your phone.

11. Do something different. Mix up your normal routine.

12. Make a meal at home.

13. Play a game with the family or with friends.

14. Invite someone over.

15. Sip a hot drink.

16. Write in a journal.

17. Watch a nature documentary.

18. Take a bath.

19. Send snail mail.

20. Bake a treat.

21. Make a collage.

22. Play an instrument, or learn how to.

23. Listen to a podcast or a sermon.

24. Take a nap.

25. Take photos.

26. Light candles.

27. Stretch.

28. Meditate.

29. Go on a Sabbath drive. Through new neighborhoods or the countryside.

30. Sit on your porch.

There are hundreds of ways to slow and rest. They usually start with setting aside your usual daily routine and doing something different. Give it a try this week.

How do you like to slow and rest?

>>>

also see:
new? start here...
31 days celebrating three-oh
free journal

Success is What You Do While Everyone Else is Distracted

The title of this blog post is something I typed as a potential post in 2012. I felt then that I needed a tech-break to put effort into the things I really wanted to make happen in my life. The things I knew I didn't have time for as long as I was spending that time mindlessly staring at my computer, my phone, or the TV.

Four years later, and I'm finally ready to make a real effort to be a little less distracted. The main culprit: social media. So, I'm logging off for the month of July.

I've uninstalled the social media apps from my phone, I'm posting updates in "all the places" so people know not to rely on Facebook as a means to reach me, and I'll be logging off the computer and maybe even letting my husband change my passwords if I really don't have any self-control.

I have guesses of how it will go and what the results will be. I have hopes of tasks to complete and more productive ways to fill what currently ends up being scroll-time.

Whatever happens, I am sure that I am human and I can only do one thing at a time. Just as I can either look at the text on my phone or the road ahead of me, I can either scroll or be present, I can read up on simplifying or do the actual decluttering, I can dream about writing a book or I can actually write a book.

You get the idea. I am easily distracted with that one focus I have, and every moment in mindless anything is a moment lost from doing something that matters. Something of value.

Whether that's spending time with my family, growing friendships, doing work that matters, exercising and making healthier choices, or any number of valuable worthwhile habits.

I can only do one thing at a time, and I want that one thing to less often be mindless scrolling.

So I'm logging off for the month of July to experiment with being a little less distracted. And, sure, success is relative, but guaranteed I'm not going to find the success I want while I'm perpetually distracted by what's on my phone.

I guess we'll see.

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also see:
new? start here...
why i temporarily quit blogging
putting the magic back in summer
5 ways to be filled
monthly freebies + emails

Why I (Temporarily) Quit Blogging

This post was mostly written over a year ago. Back when baby 3 was newly in my stomach throwing me into a third and final season of morning sickness and can't think or cook or clean or do anything but try to not feel sick anymore.

I was mostly only posting a monthly update and not much else. I blamed the morning sickness and pregnancy-induced exhaustion as the main culprit.

Or so I thought that was the main reason I wasn't posting much.

Then, I kept not posting much. And I'm still not posting much.

Sure, anemia and a move followed. Then a baby that's now 7-months-old and still not sleeping through the night. I have excuses for days, yet I long to write and share those words. Even so, even as I have so many things rolling around my head to be shared, there's still something keeping me from doing so.

I have no other way to describe it than: Opinion Exhaustion.

On any given day when I log into Facebook, I see countless "this amazing article will change your life" posts for every "look at my cute kids" update. Sure, personal updates get a lot of flack. Apparently, according to some articles I've read, just about anything you post is attention- or approval-seeking.

When it comes down to it, I think I'd like more of that. That's what the updates are for, right? Tell me that you're happy about a good day at work or let me congratulate you on making it to the gym or outside for a run or write a note of encouragement if you're having one of those days.

But the "this will change your life" articles? Or the "this thought/quote/text is rocking my world and it should rock yours too" posts? Or the "I'm convicted of this so obviously God wants you to change too" ammunition?

Those are wearing. me. out.

Even when I agree. Maybe especially when I agree.

Everybody has an opinion about everything (including me), and it seems with a little poignant writing it's worth 50 of my friends re-sharing to assure everyone is affected by it. Even more so lately, it seems these are used like the next rebuttal in any number of debates.

Then, it seems everybody is touched by some text or quote or some neatly created inspiring word art that it'd be selfish not to share. Right?

So, what's the problem with this?

For me, the problem with all of the non-stop opinions: It makes it really hard for me to live.

Maybe you are able to scan, browse, read and take or leave whatever you wish. I, however, can only take so much, until I'm flat out spent. Maybe it has something to do with being an introvert--the need for quiet applies online, too. Extroverts might also feel that need at times.

I'm spent on an overdose of poignancy. Life-changing post after life-changing post that essentially only keeps me from my life. Everyone's epiphanies and viewpoints and ah-ha moments running through my feed, and then my head, all day everyday. Over and over and over, until I shut down into an ugly train-wreck of autopilot that can only see my world through fuzzy eyes.

Sure, logging off, shutting down are partial solutions. I 100% believe that is healthy and essential. I try to log on only set times a day, and that seems to help.

Lately, even when I do finally log in, the overwhelming posts are still all there. The beautiful, talented, inspiring people are still all telling me I'm missing out on "the next big thing," on the best me I could be. That maybe I just need to pack in a little more inspiration, a little more thoughtful understanding to really get the most out of this day.

The truth?

The truth is that I can only get the most out of today, by being in today. Not online seeing beautiful word art or reading inspiring posts about how to be a better _________ (fill in the blank). I can only get the most out of today by being here and now in real life, in my life.

Here's a little of what that has been looking like lately:

Time in God's Word. Not to find a 140-character text to post on Twitter or ammunition for the next Christian debate that unfolds on screen. Simply in the Word seeking God.

Time in prayer. For family and friends and that God's Kingdom comes, please, before trolls completely take over the internet (and thus, the world).

Time in books. I'm so accustomed to scanning and clicking that I catch myself start jumping sites in the middle of a longer post that I'm actually enjoying. I'll even pause and think "huh, I wonder why I did that?" That's the beauty of books. It breaks my scanning and clicking habit to actually delve into a deeper topic and really enjoy the fruit of a writer's labor.

Time at home. I'm slowly learning to embrace these fleeting years of mothering young kids. Better late than never, right? Amazing how fast a scroll on Instagram can make me halt or even reverse the progress I've made in this area.

Time in quiet. I mean, real word-less quiet. I'm starting to notice the true noise volume of a revolving newsfeed of new posts across multiple sites. Even my crazy kids can sometimes feel quieter and calmer than the ruckus online.

Time in connection. This is slow coming, but so worth the effort. For all the times I thought (like Mindy Kaling) "Is everyone hanging out without me?" I wish I would have just kicked myself in the pants and extended an invitation. Because others are asking the same thing... while we all sit at home scrolling through Facebook or Instagram.

Back when I wrote most of this post over a year ago, I also included in this list the time spent on baths. I'd throw some epsom salts and a few drops essential oil in the warm water, and let my achy body relax. I'd lay there just watching my large belly (and the baby inside) rise and fall with each breath.

Oh, how truly freeing it is to have space to breathe. Space for that underrated essential of life.

And just so you know, I see the value in the online. For me, the value generally comes when it reaches beyond the screen.

When a comment turns into an invitation that gets people together in real life.
When bloggers meet in a living room to talk about the changing online culture.
When a grace-covered comment builds a bridge.
When a room full of women who hardly know each other discover the joy of vulnerability.
When an uplifting package comes just when it's needed from a relationship formed online.
When a "me too" email assures the struggle of writing was worth the effort.

And so the struggle continues. I am a writer and I want to write.

But I have to be honest and say I don't know what that looks like anymore. I'll likely continue to post bits and pieces here on the blog as I feel inspired. This isn't my fair-well post by any means. (At least I don't think it is ;)

I'm still evaluating how I use this online space of mine. And even more so, how / when / why I'm involved elsewhere online.

Even if there was something really good to say, would it just get lost in the ruckus?

And is the ruckus drowning out what I really need to hear?

I'm deaf and mute to it all,
ears shut, mouth shut.
I don't hear a word they say,
don't speak a word in response.
What I do, God, is wait for You,
wait for my Lord, my God--
You will answer.

Psalm 38:9-16, The Message

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also read:
new? start here...
online interactions + the people they represent
replace gazing with growing
100 things to do instead of watch tv scroll newsfeeds
monthly dose of simple

Looking and Feeling Awake

"I'm so exhausted I could cry."

Those are the words that take over my mind when I've woken up with a stuffy-nosed, teeth-breaking baby every hour or two throughout the night. Those words could also be followed up with, "I'm so exhausted, I can't cry." It's a very frustrating and pointless cycle I find myself in when I'm on consecutive days of sleepless nights.

The good thing about being on Baby Three is I've learned a thing or two about dealing with sleeplessness. I still get tired and we still have pizza too often. But I feel more aware of life happening all around me and less overcome by exhaustion. There are ways to sneak in some faux rest, or at least look a little more rested. There are also ways to help maintain, or even restore, sanity.

Ideas for a Season of Sleeplessness

Whether you're sleeplessness is infant-induced or some other life-happening, here is my round-up of ideas to make the most of those missing ZZZzzzzs.

1 | Suck it up, princess.

There's an ecard that reads: "Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up." It's funny because, when we're missing sleep, it's true. The longer we spend in one of those first four stages (pushing snooze over and over, being grumpy, pleading with husband to take a sick day, sulking), the harder it is to recover from our lack of sleep. Getting to the last stage, acceptance, as quickly as we can will give us the best shot at making the most of our groggy day. Suck it up princess, morning comes whether or not we got sleep.

2 | Brighten your eyes, and look the part.

I've read tips like putting two spoons in the freezer at night, then holding them under your eyes (where those pesky bags are likely to show up). Ain't nobody got time for that. Splashing my face with cold water may not do much for those bags, but it sure helps me wake up. I follow that up with a light liquid concealer and apply generously around the eyes. It's my "mom war paint." Brightening the eyes with concealer, and a little light eye shadow helps make me look a lot more alert. There are other ways to look put-together, which can make us feel put-together.

3 | Eat good food. Drink water. Stay healthy.

We can be more energized by fueling ourselves with good foods: Whole grains, low sugar (particularly when not eating the whole fruit), unprocessed, greens, etc. Life fuels life: Food that was once alive is a natural source for energizing human life. Water is cleansing, hydrating, and another necessary part of staying healthy.

This is all important because when we're lacking on sleep our immunity is down and we're more prone to illness, which will of course only lead to more sleeplessness. We need to stay healthy, especially when we're lacking on sleep.

4 | Drink coffee or other caffeine sparingly.

I've never been much of a coffee drinker, and certainly not a coffee-promoter. I acquired a diluted taste for it in college (read: must be sweetened and milked down), and only in the last couple months started making it myself and drinking it most days. Caffeine is addictive, can be damaging to our health, and generally comes in equally unhealthy forms (i.e., lots of sugar). That's the disclaimer. The reason I bring it up: It's currently part of my solution for surviving.

I can't sit around the house all day like I did with our last sleepless baby and his 3-year-old sister. I now have to be up before 7, getting our big girl out the door for school, and running errands with the younger two. Caffeine on those days helps me get it all done. I'm sure I'll visit this topic again to re-address that addictive and damaging side when I'm getting more sleep at night. Until then, I'll be drinking a cup most mornings.

5 | Drink an Emergen-C. Or take vitamins.

Vitamin Bs, Vitamin C, and Vitamin D are all energy-inducing and mood-boosting. Emergen-C powder is high in these and can be healthier and more lasting than caffeine. If you're not up for the "magical powder," then do your own reading or ask a professional to find out which vitamins to take and how much to supplement daily.

6 | Take a mid-day break. Get your blood moving.

Naps aren't always an option, and not everyone finds the same value in taking a nap. There are even different types of naps and results from each. I used to do the napping thing, but quit because interrupted naps were more frustrating to me than sleepless nights. Now, I try to work in a few minutes of rest. This can be a short stretching session, a little eyes closed meditating, or a few minutes with my legs up against a wall. That last one is something done in yoga and talked about on Oprah years ago (so it must be true), that roughly 8 minutes with your legs up against the wall can rejuvenate you the same as getting a full sleep cycle. Whether or not that's true, I've done it many times in my sleepiest and have left the session feeling a little more rested and a little more ready to finish the day well. Concentrated slow, deep breaths, eyes closed, and body in a relaxed position seem to be key.

Getting your blood moving is likely part of the success of putting your legs up against the wall. You're taking a break and you're encouraging blood to cycle throughout your body. You might also try a 4-minute tabata workout, or just do some jumping jacks or go for a quick walk.

7 | Stop whining.

It's clear, this is what I preach to myself, right? I'm harder on myself than I would be on you. As mentioned above, "I'm so exhausted I could cry" are the words that consume my thoughts when I'm not getting sleep. Obviously, that's not really helpful. When I notice myself thinking this, I try to replace it with something more positive or energizing. Basically recreating what I'm choosing to believe. Even something as simple and un-profound as repeating "I am awake" can do the trick. If nothing else, it at least stops the self-defeating thought cycle. Reading something life-giving (like my morning devotional time) does the same.

8 | Incorporate the senses.

When I'm really trying to feel awake, alert, energized, I make that happen with all of my senses. Sniffing something like peppermint, citrus, or cloves through diffusing essential oil or a candle; and turning on some peppy or upbeat music (like New Shoes by Paolo Nutini or Happy by Pherrell Williams).

It works for the opposite purpose, too. When ready for a mid-day break or winding down at the end of the day, use lavendar or other calming scents, and play some soothing music.

9 | Be safe. Make good choices.

I have read about sleeplessness inhibiting thought-process in a similar way that consuming alcohol inhibits it. It can slow reactions and cause things like driving to be dangerous. Drunks stumble over a line thinking they're fine, and sleepless people everywhere commute to work and school without thinking of the safety issue. We should be brave enough to ask for help or, when we can, waiting until we've gotten some rest. We can incorporate the help of that caffeine when necessary. We should avoid important decisions and discussions when we're exhausted--we're less likely to be irritable and irrational that way. Let's not be naive about the dangers of going without sleep, and make good choices with that in mind.

10 | Address the issue. Embrace the season.

If possible, and when sleeplessness is ongoing, we need to address the issue. Are we drinking caffeine too late in the day, or does our babe need help learning to sleep more than two hours at a time? (Babies need sleep as much as we do, and their ongoing sleep-disruption can cause problems for their growth and development.) If there's something we can do, then we should address the sleep issue.

Whether it's temporary or ongoing, let's wake up and embrace the season. We may not exactly "enjoy" it (like so many people tell us to do), but we can certainly slow down to notice life happening all around us. To find the little things to appreciate. Sure, acknowledging the challenges, but not being overcome by them.

Bonus | Sleep when baby sleeps. Clean when baby cleans.

Ha ha. Just kidding :) That's another meme I saw: If I should sleep when baby sleeps, should I clean when baby cleans, and cook when baby cooks? If all else fails, at least we can find a little humor in the situation.

Sleeplessness will not keep us from living.

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also read:
10 minute beauty
breakfast smoothie
momcations + mommy breaks

Christian Meditation

Last year I shared a post on Why I Quit My Yoga Class. Since then I've had to shut off the comments and have started receiving e-mails about it. This might seem naive, but I really didn't realize it was such a hot topic.

I had simply felt God leading me in a journey of growth that, at that time in my life, meant quitting my traditional yoga class. And I wanted to share on that, on the chance that God would use my story and my experience to help spur other's journeys of growth even unrelated to yoga.

Well, it turns out some are stuck on the yoga issue. Is it really all Hindu worship? Am I worshiping other gods if I do yoga in my home? What stretches can I do that aren't considered yoga? What else can I do to get the same stress-relieving benefits of yoga?

The best I can do at an answer: Read up on it. Pray about it. And decide for yourself. Then, don't judge others who might come up with a different conclusion than you. God is likely working on a different area of growth with them, and that's okay. And whatever you decide, don't get hung up on it. I am sure there are bigger things God wants to work out in your life.

Phew. I just needed to get that off of my chest before getting into today's post. I have been meaning to write some follow-ups to last year's story--mainly what has replaced my traditional yoga class--but didn't know where to start.

So, I figured I'd start at the heart of why I had an issue with my traditional yoga class: The meditation.

The yoga poses (stretches) themselves generally didn't stir anything inside me. They were challenging or relaxing and simply good for my body. It was the meditation, especially the guided meditation at the end of each class, that caused me to question yoga's role in my life as a Christian.

meditate : to think deeply or focus one's mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for religious or spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation.

I believe in the power of meditation for Christians--specifically meditating on God's law (Josh. 1:8) and His ways (Ps. 119:15). However, most traditional yoga classes take this necessary meditation and throw on a traditional Hindu twist. Giving imagery for our spirits and the universe and how it all plays together in a rather non-Christian-friendly way.

This was a challenge for me because I believe in Christ. I believe in one singular God as the Creator of the universe. And I believe my involvement in it is only to bring Him glory. And I believe it is my life's purpose--in work, in rest, in sickness and in health--to worship Him.

So... by quitting my traditional yoga class that led in a rather non-Christian meditation, I now try to practice Christian meditation at home. Which, let's face it, there is huge value to even if you're not into yoga or stretching.

5 Ways for Christians to Meditate

First, the question might come up: What should I be doing when I meditate?

Besides the obvious setting minds and hearts on God, what you do with your body is up to you. You can sit upright with legs crossed, lay flat on your back, kneel or bow forward, or do any combination of stretches changing positions as needed.

You can be on your bed, in your living room, or outdoors. You could have a journal and pen or a hymnal/song book open in front of you. And your Bible opened to a text you're reading through. You can even be on a park bench when the kids are playing, or at your desk when you return from lunch.

Eyes closed, hands opened with palms up and body relaxed are a good posture for relaxation. But feel free to focus gaze on a piece of nature, fold hands in prayer or lift them toward the heavens. Whatever you decide, try to settle into a deep breathing pattern--taking healing oxygen all the way through your body to your toes and exhaling it all back out. Slow and steady and consistent.

Isn't this life God breathed into humanity incredible?!

This is all about meditating on God and His Word--bringing Him actively into our lives. Setting our minds on Him as He transforms our hearts and directs our actions. Here are five ideas for doing just that...

1 // Surrender All

As you settle in and relax, there is likely to be some mental distractions going on. Past conversations, to-do lists, and so on. Mentally picture bringing these like heavy rocks and placing them one-by-one in Jesus' open, capable hands. Feeling lighter yet? Along with this, don't fight away or neglect the bad that comes to mind. Guilt, regrets, weaknesses, problems, struggles, stresses. Name them and visualize handing them over to Him. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:1-12)

2 // Count Blessings

Dwell on the good, even especially if it's hiding behind something bad. Those challenges mentioned above? Those are where we can often find our deepest blessings. (Matthew 5:5-12) Be thankful. And receive God's weightless Truth replacing each of those burdens we once carried. Healing, isn't it?

3 // Hum a Hymn

Or hum a worship song, if you prefer. Traditional hymns tend to have a little more substance for our souls, and the tune might be easier to hum. No need to know all the words. If certain stanzas come to mind, they might be a good focus point. But it's especially the out-loud, low-tone humming vibrations that can offer physical benefits through your chest and body. It's kind of like saying "ommm" but with a deeper, spiritual benefit. (Ephesians 5:19, Colossians 3:16)

4 // Memorize Scripture

Put God's Word and truth on your mind. Do some repetitive rote memorization, focusing on the good and truth found in God's Word. (Philippians 4:8) Almost like a "chanting" that can actually transform our lives. Pause on certain words or phrases as their meaning and relevance sink in to your mind and eventually to your heart. Work on etching the whole text into your memory, until you can't help but do what it says.

5 // Go in Worship

Conclude the time acknowledging the Creator as you take this moment to be still in His presence and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10) Then, slowly put your body back into motion and get your mind back to whatever needs your attention next, taking with you this newfound peace for your journey. Living worship in action.

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also read:

Why I Quit My Yoga Class

On Memorizing Scripture

Slowing to Hear God

Stopping

Seeking God's Purpose | growing from the quiet

Don't do according to the doings + customs of the people around you.
Instead, observe God's discernment, follow His directions and walk in them.
Keep His laws and live by them. | Lev. 18:1-5, my paraphrase

I've been thinking about these verses and "the ways" of the people around me and how God might be leading me to live different.

I've been so overwhelmed in the effort to balance--always choosing between family and blog. I feel caught in a rat race to grow and pursue and always be better. There is so much to learn and improve--so many "professionals" to read and listen to. So much information to absorb and process and implement. Conferences + Connecting + Creating.

Amidst it all, I read things that remind me to be true to who I am, and follow my unique passions and God's purpose for me.

Then, I read Leviticus 18 again and it all clicks. The ways of "these people" is fast. Go, do, see, be. Grow now, figure it all out now. Take these steps, or create your own path. Just do it... yesterday!

But I feel God calling me a different way. One that removes myself from the rat race and puts me in the only race that matters--the one toward Him and His Kingdom. The one where slow is better than fast + last is first + service is success + small is great.

I realized it when I stumbled into a blog for something called Flourish Retreat. It's a quiet June weekend in Texas with 15 other women. Time and space to build relationships and grow (or flourish) in Christ. Structured, but with space to slow + listen + be. When I thought of the contrast to Allume (the 400+ person conference I have a ticket for in October), I started to cry.

Lost in a crowd, floundering in my introversion. Drowning in even more information with little time or room to process or implement or seek God in it. Spending all that money to return home feeling like I need a break.

Because that's the simple truth: I need a break.

An opportunity to grow at the pace God created in me.

Because He created me to thrive better in small groups and at slow paces. I believe He wants to meet + lead me from the quiet spaces. And everything I've been doing denies who God made me to be as a quiet, reserved introvert. It denies the passions He's put in me--for simplicity + slowing + focus + deep relationships + creating + growing from the quiet. And it distracts me from His purpose for me--to live and grow in Him, to be used for His glory by living different than the people around me.

Sharing more insights instead of all tutorials, attending retreats rather than conferences, promoting contentment + simplicity rather than Do More: 101.

This quiet moment of epiphany comes down to this realization:

Be still + know that
I am God. | Ps 46:10

In Jesus' name, amen!

>>>>>

PS, I'm taking a bit of a blogging break this week and next. I cancelled a few of the posts I had planned, and instead am sharing a couple guest posts and a couple "I'm still here" messages from me (this post being one of them).

I'm ready for some changes and needed the space to search and grow. I wanted to share a little of this journey with you, and how better to do so than sharing the first draft? That's just what the above post is... so offer me a little grace if it seems a little "off" ;)

Leave Your Ego at the Door | yoga + life

My yoga instructor Terri walks through the steps of what we should be doing for a particular pose. She reminds us the points of the posture that we should be working on: shoulders pulling back and down toward our spine, stomach pressing toward our legs, but not sacrificing form to get there.

Then she asks, "Are you doing this, or are you letting your ego get in the way?"

Quit Looking at the Picture | yoga + life

Posters are hung on the walls of our gym advertising their various classes. Each one pictures a person or two doing a move from the workout. These are obvious pros who perfectly execute whatever pose represents that particular workout. I've hardly paid attention to them, except when they're referenced in class.

The instructor for Bodyflow (a combination of yoga, tai chi and pilates) pointed out the pose we were doing was a yoga pose pictured in a poster in one of the other workout rooms. She mentioned it to tell us what we're aiming for in that particular pose (knees and nose in line).

It's Not About Success and Failure | yoga + life

This month, in keeping with the simplify theme for September, I will be sharing some thoughts on yoga + life as learned from my yoga instructor in my weekly yoga classes. If I could, I would just pass on the beauty of simplicity I experience in that hour of downward dog, pose of the child, and relaxation time. Alas, sharing a few insights learned must suffice.

Momcations + Mommy Breaks

I checked taking a momcation off my Summer Bucket List this last weekend. It was everything I hoped it would be. Excitement about a momcation has nothing to do with wanting to escape the kids themselves--of course I love them and miss them when they're not around.

Excitement about a momcation has everything to do with what it takes from me to be a mom--the parts that exhaust me and downright stress me out. My kids are worth every bit of it, and this was just the break I needed to give me the freedom to see that they're why I love being a mom.

Every mom should take a momcation. Not every mom can take a momcation, but every mom can and should do the "staycation" version--a mommy break. There are a few components that were essential to making my momcation a success that might also give you ideas for doing a staycation Mommy Break instead.

Features of a Momcation

1. Understanding and supportive husband.

Daniel makes sure I get breaks during the week. We set an evening aside for me to get "me time," and he encourages me to leave the dishes, he'll put the kids to bed and I don't have to worry about the time. These breaks are so awesome, and it means so much to me that he cares and knows how important this is to me and my sanity. Then, he took it all to another level.

This whole momcation thing was Daniel's idea. He travels for work and got bumped on a flight so that he could give the awarded travel voucher to me. He'd take off work to watch the kids, and I'd travel alone to go see friends. Isn't he amazing?!

Mommy Break Tip #1
An understanding and supportive husband is essential to mom doing her job best (the reverse is also true, but we're talking about mom right now). If a full out travel-somewhere-else trip isn't possible right now, try a weekend "staycation" or a day. Or start with one evening each week for a mommy break if that's not already in your routine. Tell your husband what a little mental break would do both for the kids, for you, and for him. Let him know what you need him to do to make this happen. (Help clean up from supper? Put the kids to bed? Take on household duties for a full day or even a full weekend?) My husband has a special ability to know when I need a break and take the steps to make that happen for me, but you might need to be a little more proactive or clear in verbalizing your need for a break.

2. Old friends.

I knew right away that I wanted to use the travel voucher to see two of my best friends from high school. I only really hung out with them those two years of high school, but we've kept in touch and visited a couple times in the ten years since then, and we currently keep a running conversation going in a Facebook message which keeps us even closer.

The book I read on this trip described the need for old friends perfectly: "The older I get, the more I value my friends as witnesses to the girl I once was and the young woman I'll never be again." Those two years of high school mean so much to me and formed the person I am today, and these two friends are my connection to that piece of me that few people know.

Mommy Break Tip #2
Take the occasional mommy break to enjoy the company of an old friend. Someone that remembers who you were before dishes and diapers became your world. Someone who has seen you on worse days, so no need to dress up or try to impress her. Someone who has seen you on better days and can remind you that woman is still in there. Maybe you can't make the drive or get on a plane to hang out in person. So give her a call, start a Facebook conversation, or write your appreciation with a few memories to surprise her in the mail.

3. Time in the sun.

I enjoy the sun. Maybe too much. It may have a little something to do with my tanning obsession from my teens. Mostly, it just feels like vacation to me. It's warming and relaxing and, yes, even gives my skin a sunkissed glow that says, "I'm on vacation." It puts me in a good mood to just to lay in the sun--either resting or reading or writing or talking to a friend.

A highlight of the trip was spending a small portion of one morning sitting on my friend's deck, chatting, browsing Pinterest on our phones, and sipping cool water. Such a simple luxury that I just don't get at home. We usually end up playing in the shade when I take the kids to the park, or my attention is spent keeping rocks out of Ian's mouth. This brief moment of relaxation in the sun was incredibly rejuvenating and mood-lifting.

Mommy Break Tip #3
Take a quick mommy break early one evening when your husband gets home from work or on a weekend afternoon to sit in the sun. Sip a drink and read a magazine outside your local coffee shop. Lay a blanket in the grass and read or take a nap. Sit on your porch and watch the sunset. Enjoy as the rays warm your skin and the Vitamin D boosts your mood. If it's winter, bundle up for a brief walk in the sun, or make a short visit to the tanning bed--overuse is bad, but in less than 5 minutes you can get the same warming, mood-lifting benefits.

4. Good book.

As with every trip, I had a list of things I hoped to complete in preparation. Top of the list was finding a good book to read while traveling. And, as with every trip, I just didn't have time. On our way to the airport we stopped by the library, and Daniel gave me five minutes. My hands were still empty when he called saying my time was up. I quickly grabbed a book off the shelf on my way out the door so I'd have something to read, and ended up with The Joy of Doing Things Badly: A Girl's Guide to Love, Life, and Foolish Bravery by Veronica Chambers.

Pleasant surprise: Turned out to be a great book! She talked about her challenges with writing in an encouraging way that I needed to hear, she shared her insight on friendship relevant to the friendships this trip honored, and so much more from her life experiences. Validating, entertaining, and encouraging. It was a fun surprise to get all of that from a random book off the library shelf.

Mommy Break Tip #4
If you're already an avid reader, indulge in this hobby during your mommy break. Set up shop at Barnes and Noble, visit the library, or cozy up in your bed and shut the door while hubby takes care of the kids. If, like me, reading doesn't come naturally for you, then try mixing it up. Read a book from a genre that you haven't tried. Or, be pleasantly surprised by a book randomly pulled off the shelf. And read only as long as you're enjoying it. If you're not into the book, don't worry about finishing it. Return it to the library and find something that's worth spending the occasional mommy break on.

5. No household work.

Of course, the real "vacation" part of this trip was the break from the work part of what I do. Being a mom is a full-time job whether you work or not, but a being a stay-at-home-mom is literally my fulltime job. A vacation, even a break, from it is rare because the work is all day every day, weekends included.

I got a break from all of it on this trip. Of course, I did the meal-planning and grocery shopping before I left. But I didn't have to make the meals or hear the inevitable "What are we having for dinner?" followed by "I don't want that." I cleaned up after myself and didn't worry about anyone's routine or the inevitable crankiness when said routine is not followed.

Mommy Break Tip #5
This last part sums up exactly why we need a mommy break in the first place. So maybe schedules and work demands don't make it possible for every one to take an out-of-town momcation. But you, supermom, need and deserve a break. What would a day off look like to you? No cooking or cleaning? No disciplining? Focus on yourself--getting in a shower and a workout and a few minutes journaling without feeling guilty about it? Start with making an actual list, but don't stop there. Share this with your husband. Or a grandparent or friend that could watch the kids--for an hour, or two, or a day. And take the day off. Not from loving your kids, but from doing all of the things that blur your focus. You, my friend, deserve it!

My Mom-Break Takeaway

The main lesson I'm taking away from this trip is the distinction between being a mom and the work it requires. When I'm home with the kids and managing the household it all gets jumbled together. I fold laundry and bathe them and entertain and discipline and put all of their needs before my own, so it's easy to confuse my stress and exhaustion with them. But it's altogether separate. The hard stuff is truly the "job" part of being a mom, and especially being a stay-at-home mom.

Taking a break from the job of it all helped me to realize how much I love being a mom. Teaching them my neat-freek ways. Their hugs and cuddles. Their laughs and love for reading and dancing. Their special little personalities and giant hearts. I love them so much and they're worth every bit of work that caring for them requires.

I also welcome the occasional mommy break or even full-on momcation for the freedom to step away from the cooking and cleaning and planning and grocery-shopping to realize how much I love simply being Mom.

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also read:
new? start here...
dear moms, i'm sorry for wanting to punch you in the neck
looking and feeling awake in a season of exhaustion
your family needs you to be courageous
monthly dose of simple